Yesterday I had my call with my editor. I had received an email from her in the morning, a few hours before our call. After I read it, a massive cloud of dread fell upon me. There was so much I had to do still. I knew this when I sent it, but when I got it back I swear I almost puked. There are parts of that manuscript that were torturous to write. Then, as I mentioned in yesterday’s brief blog, I started to sink down the black hole. I almost sent an email to my editor to cancel our call later in the day. I watched Netflix and napped. I started to feel overwhelmed with my negative thoughts and started to feel hopeless and useless. My son in law called me while I was on my couch watching Netflix. I almost didn’t answer because I was feeling so sorry for myself, but, I couldn’t do it to him, so I answered. We had arranged for him to call me to fix a couple of things on a website, and I really wanted to get those done. While we were chatting, I started to watch my mood change and, suddenly I was able to see myself on the call with him and noticed how interested and energised I started to feel because I wasn’t dwelling on myself!
I didn’t cancel the call with my editor, and, I avoided dwelling on what I was going to do about the manuscript or even wonder how the call would go. I surrendered and told myself that all I had to do was show up. My editor is fabulous. She’s very professional, intuitive and, a good friend. She knows that the last thing I want is smoke blown up my arse. I thrive on honesty. And, I want to make sure that whatever I write is the best that I can write. I’m not in a hurry to finish it. But, I do want to be working on it daily. She asked the right questions and I gave myself permission to say that I wanted to let most of what I had written go. I couldn’t imagine having to do all of the work it needed to turn it into something publishable. I’m not that passionate about it! However, there was one part in my manuscript that I loved writing and it flowed beautifully. It was the part that I tried to keep out of the book and, the part that I was most fearful about writing, only because I was worried about what people would think of me. Anyway, guess what? It’s the part that I am going to expand on and, write my book about! What a fucken trip!!
I’ll keep the rest of the manuscript of course, and maybe after I finish this one, I might pull that apart more and expand on other parts of it. Who knows. I’m going to let whatever wants to be written be written. I’m taking a back seat and am not going to control the process!
That’s my update for today. I’ll be back tomorrow!
365 Days to Achieving My Success