Since I’ve started this blog, I’m finding that I don’t have enough time in my day to do everything I want to be doing, and that’s a good thing! I’m utilising my time really well, I’m focused and I’m not wasting my days away like I had been over the past few years on and off. I was wasting my days away in particular over the last couple of months. I was falling down a dark hole again, but, this time I was consciously aware of it and was allowing myself to! I suffer from depression and Complex PTSD. Wow, this is a first for me to actually disclose it all out loud like this.
Throughout my life I have lost the girl. That sparkly, funny, energetic and so full of life girl has gotten buried and dragged down into the deep black hole. But despite being down there, I’ve had had periods of time, sometimes even years where I was able to motivate myself and achieve massive goals. I still struggle at times, I’m not going to lie. But, I’m finding that the periods that I am down are shorter and, I am more hopeful and motivated for longer. I have done massive amounts of work on myself and still do. I have found that it all boils down to mindset, but, it’s not just about saying a few affirmations a day (even though they help), it’s also about knowing yourself, warts and all, it’s about confronting and seeing how your experiences and thoughts of the past can alter your present life and really fuck with it and sabotage it. It’s about knowing what you put in your mouth and feed your body, and how you react to it. It’s about getting out and moving your body. It’s about aligning with your soul’s desires and working alongside the Universe. These are doable things!
I’ve also had a lot of help along the way too, obviously from my family, but also external help and support from psychologists, I’ve had (and still get) emotion code sessions from my friend Sam. I get support from my doctor, despite me driving him crazy because I prefer to try alternative medicines and methods instead of medication. I’ve had Reiki and energy healing sessions, I’ve had my Akashic Records read, I have learned who I am and how I am via astrology. I’ve followed breadcrumbs and also found out that I am an empath, that I am highly intuitive and a psychic medium. Trauma can do that to a person! I’ve was even labeled as mentally unstable by an old boss because I told him about some of this stuff. But, I know, from personal experience that there is more to us as humans than the body we get around in. I know that we are super powerful beings and can heal ourselves if we do the work, and, that the Universe is always working for us, even if sometimes it feels as of it’s working against us.
I’ve altered my diet, and as I mentioned in a previous blog, I stopped drinking caffeine about a year ago. It’s been a combination of using my intuition and just experimenting on myself to see what works and what doesn’t for me. I know that if I don’t get outside and walk, I will quickly nose dive back into over thinking and feeling like shit. But, there are times where I have been too lazy to do the work, or to get out and walk and instead opted to sit on my couch with my coffee and choc chip cookies and binge watch Netflix. That didn’t bode well. I’m finding that now I’m more engrossed in living my life than watching someone else’s life on the television. It’s been more fun. I love being productive and busy, not busy and unproductive! I was very busy being unproductive and it wasn’t a nice place to be in. I also found that when I finally listened to my soul and got to decluttering my house and some of the people in my life, I felt lighter. Energetically lighter. It’s true what they say, if you get rid of the things that no longer serve you, or that you’re hanging on to for no reason, or, they don’t bring you joy, you make way for things to enter your life that is meant for you, life becomes a lot less cluttered and simple, and, you can navigate your way through anything with more ease and less drama.
For me, the decluttering journey was huge. I had a lot to clear out, it wasn’t just the stuff you could see, or even people. I had to declutter my entire life it seemed. The Universe helped me along because I thought that by decluttering the Tupperware cupboard and other parts of the house and then on to some so called friendship groups that I had done enough. Nope, it was nowhere near enough according to what the Universe had in store for me. I had to get rid of every materialistic possession in my life and my career too. I had to start again from scratch! When I was going through it all, it seemed that I was being punished and, I dipped down into that black hole and was angry about my life being turned upside down. But now, after time has passed, I see that it was a blessing, a gift from the Universe to me to usher in what I truly wanted, not what I thought I wanted, or what I thought others thought I should want!
Have you tried figuring out what you really want? Did you know that not many people actually know what they want and that’s why they’re unhappy. Present company included, I didn’t know what I wanted, I thought I did, however I can happily report that I know with certainty what it is I want. I just needed to put some time into myself again and ask the Universe for the guidance, clarity and, to take some actual steps towards it. I ran workshops on how to figure out what you want. I’ll go dig up some of the pdf’s and I’ll add a link in here later on if you’re interested.
I didn’t know I was going to write about all of this today! I’ve sat here thinking that I should just delete it, and I truly feel scared to put it out there. I hope you don’t take it as preachy or me saying you have no right to feel down or whatever it is you’re feeling. I suppose I’m just sharing to say hey, I’ve been there, I know it, I’ve lived it, and I know that life isn’t always easy and that it can suck. For me, I know that the dark hole can drag me down at any time if I let my guard down, if I don’t work on myself and my thoughts and what I put in my mouth every single day. I want you to know that if you have a mental illness or not, if you’re just stuck and feeling lost and down about life, there’s hope! Trust me, I’ve come out the other end a few times and I live to tell. As long as you are alive, there is hope! And if you dare to go after your dreams, to turn them into reality, living will feel like a privilege and life will mostly be a joy.
Also, please know that I’m not here judging anyone for taking medication, that’s none of my business. It’s your body, your health, you know it better than anyone else. To each his own I say.
Back to my updates about how I went yesterday. I went walking with hubby later than usual which was fantastic. I love the evenings here, it doesn’t get dark until after 10pm and it’s not even Summer yet. You’ll laugh at this, I read through more of my book, I didn’t like the next chapter I had written and actually nodded off reading it, so guess what? That whole chapter is either getting scrapped or, definitely a massive revamp! Ok, I’m pressing publish now!!!! 😧
Have a great day or night. I’ll be back tomorrow. 💜
365 Days to Achieving My Success